Top 5 'Must Have' mods/upgrades

Hi Tony,

How about these for starters

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/BMW-850-…10374QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Right, this guy rekons he can do the 4.4

http://cgi.ebay.de/Chiptuning-…40183QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Did you notice hie E bay username?

Fasttunningbs does that stand for bull shite !!!!!

Seriously though, i had a chip upgrade that promissed 10-15% improvement, guess what ? i parted with £3oo & the result ? 0 improvement although having parted with the cash you make yourself believe it's better , & of course you now have bragging rights down the pub ,it's always down to the individual in the end, my recommendation, buy some decent polish instead , because you'll have more pleasure looking at it than driving it.!!

Well now gentlemen!

Let me put a cat amongst the pigeons.

BMW certainly did spend lots on developing this tank. Pity that the power to weight ratio is akin to a snaill trying to move e brick. 0.to 100 in 4.6 minutes! A 1948 Vauxhall rag top could get down the quarter mile almost as quick!

Dont get me wrong here, I love my 840 (as it is now) and dont want to offend but really, BMW didnt build quite what most guys that own them now, really want. If that aint true why is it that the clear majority are looking for faster acceleration, a better handling (check the outside wear on the front treads after a good push) and a ride that doesnt feel like your'e oozing around corners like a junket out of a spilled dessert bowl?

Respect to the purists, but most of us aren't. Most guys want to live their boyhood dreams of being a "boy racer" (ask Parksie, Schintz and everyone else!) with a few nice power and handling improvements that are so easy on these overweight tanks.

840 m60 respond so well to the ebay ("wokke 2000") chip. He calaims 10% torque and horsepower and I can support his claim as being close enough to not go for a Dyno. Cheap horsepower. He will supply one for the fuel grade you nominate.

Next is Shockers. The stock set up is for straight line MACH 1 speeds on the Autobahn not for cornering. (See the front treads ripping up after a push?) They respond well to replacment front shox wiith Bilstein MSP cartridges inserted into the stock leg and do lowered or std height coils. Same on the rears. Lowereing an 8 looks better than a naked porn star(at my age anyhow) and really doesn't make them handle any worse.

Next is exhaust system. The front half is fine till the cats burn up and then the OEM's costt too much to replace although they flow as well as any aftermarket stuuf so only change when stuffed. The rear half is typpical power robbing whisper quiet OEM scrap metal. Start with losing the big front muffler and install Magnaflow or similar rears. theres at least 10 nif not 20 horses hiding in those rear cans. If your'e a pussy and it's too noisy add a couple of resonators where the big fellla came out. (2.5inch cats back with 2 Maggies works for me, loud bit I'm a larrikan with a f$%k you attitude if you hadn;t alreadt noticed)).

Last, but should be first, is the diff ratio and an LSD so you can drive the friggin thing. Why they use ASC as a means of "Skid control" is beyond me. M cars have LSD but the flagship of the fleet copped a "retard the engine power if it spins" bullshit device. Definately retarded.

The ratios used vary from tranny combo to engine size but regardless they are built assuming there are no radars,cops or speed traps to deal with. They are simply not built to do fast 0-100 times but you can go uo a couple of numeric values to get the engine up to revs and get the power happening sooner. Sure it consumes more fuel but if that is a real problem get a Vespa for a daily runner.

Most 840's use 2.93 and can be changed to 3.64 (STANDARD in 850 4speed auto) with huge acceleration time drops and not that much fuel cost as it lets the engime work at low speed instead of loading it up before the cams kick in.

LSD is optional and till you have DRIVEN an 8 with an LSD (and the ASC off), Bilsteins, dropped it added and a 3.6 then you dont know what you are missing.

In respect of those who reckon I'm canning BMW, guess what, you are so right. They got it all wrong in the first place and that's why there is no 8 Series today. They missed the market, completely and if that isnt the case why only 130,000 for the whole of planet Earth? over 10 freekin years! Why do so many of us get a hard on just looking at the best looking damned BMW built and why do nso many ask what can we do to bring our car up to what would have been an 840M or 850M spec.

Guys it isnt that hard as many of us know. Long live you all and your classic 8's and dont be selling them cheap any more for they are going to be in the hands of the enthusiast from here on in which means prices will go up.

And on the last word, hers in Oz we had a 1971 Falcon GTHO that was at the time the fastest sedan on the planet. 500 built, sold at $6400n then and today you cant buy one for less than $250,0000 whereas 5 years ago $100,00 would have. Food for thought?

Maturing Disgracefully